Mr. Boo(m)b-astic.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that any man in possession of testosterone, must be fascinated by boobs.
This statement is induced neither by Pride nor Prejudice, but plain observation. All resemblance to anything else is purely incidental.

Though several people may take offense at this generalisation of the masculine, a moments pause will prove the accuracy of the opening statement. The mysterious allure of mammary glands has remained mysterious for ages. Numerous theorists have tried in vain to explain this enigma. Some enterprising souls have tried to write this off as a primal impulse which finds its roots in evolutionary race memories. The Early Man, they say, chose the perfect mate by the size of her appendages- the bigger the baggage, the better the feeding capacity. However this theory cannot hold water since most of the time the starers have no intention of siring off spring off the starees, regardless of how much they might enjoy the procedure. Still others claim that it is a mode of proving masculinity. It is not-'If you are male, you stare at female boobs'. Rather, it is a case of 'Because you are male you stare at female boobs'. (Please note the emphasis on 'female'. It is the greatest sin to be male and have boobs. In fact, it can be safely surmised that according to the male psyche, boobs are directly proportionate to 'females') . Supporters of this theory state the example of hip-hop videos. The singers obviously want to prove their masculinity by having as many boobs as possible crowding around them throughout their screen time. This gives out the message that they are well and truly male because they get to stare at all of them at the same time. Though this theory does seem plausible, it falls flat since the singers cannot stare at the appendages that surround them(this would, of course, be unacceptable anti-social behavior!) The hip-hop singers, being thus boobie trapped into behaving, fail to follow the most crucial aspect of the aforementioned theory and thus render it in tatters. Another theory that has been floated is that this phenomenon is caused by residual need for breast feeding. It is the memory of older mammaries that fuel the fascination. To put the theory in a nutshell, as they stare hungrily, they are thinking of their mother.This just seems terribly wrong and shouldn't even be considered, however since all options need to be covered, we shall dive headlong into this one as well. Though reeking of the Oedipus Complex, this theory does have its strong points. For one thing it is based on the fairly universally accepted fact that 'boys will be boys' (a nice way of saying they never grow up). Furthermore it actually sounds like a theory- what with the Complex attached to it. But it fails to recognise the fact that boys don't stare. They are too busy having a life. It is always the man, or at the very least the almost-man adolescent that stares and hence the theory is rendered null and void. Resulting in a glaring lack of any logical rationale behind the staring scenario.

Perhaps all male homo sapiens are bound by an unshakeable Omerta against repeating the Reason for this all male trait. Or perhaps they are just too busy drooling at the said objects of interest that reason doesn't even enter the picture. Most of the individuals interviewed by the author were either nonplussed and/or intrigued by the actual possibility of a reason for this. Either that, or they were greatly offended by the nerve of the author to ask such an unladylike question. This was of course before they had to admit that they hadn't really thought of a reason for staring at the 'globular glories'. "We just do!" exclaimed a particularly hounded person, throwing his hands up in despair (he would later be hauled up for sedition). It is actually rather unfair to expect them to know. After all they have never been asked before. How can you expect them to be capable of explaining their actions unless they are pointedly asked to. And women don't go around asking why men find their bosoms so rivetting- so it's her fault that they don't know. After all, men are chivalrous, not lecherous boors. If they insist on talking to your chest when you have a perfectly acceptable face, it is only because they are full of deference and respect and they dare not raise their eyes higher. And besides women cannot fathom the power of their mesmerising mammaries. The men are merely looking out for them by keeping a constant watch on their assets.

And so we finally come to a conclusion. Men stare at female chests for 'their' own good. And all is right in the world.