I rarely if ever post any forwards, but this one seemed permissable. I am a red blooded Mallu myself. But I cannot deny the truth of the following email. I extend my thanks to the venerable Pyne for this valuable insight into the shrouded realms of impossibly impossible names.
The Science Behind Christening Mallu Christians
It has been a well kept secret for eons, shrouded in mystery and mazes of deceit, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville, near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish this classified mallu formula, on the naming of mallu christian kids.
1. Select a combination of both the mother and fathers names. Eg: Suresh and Sharon = Susha or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.
2. The addition of a 'mon' (meaning son) or 'mol' (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Jobimon
3. To attach a modern anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.
4. For the politically correct keralite family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal 'kutty'(child), which can be used for both boys and girls! Eg: Jokutty, Susikutty
Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo
However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. Eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn't even sound like a name) or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff!!!!), then
a. use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, Innocent, Infant etc.
b. use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene
c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar! Use one that even velliammachi can pronounce!) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew, or Jijo!
d. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn't. Eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, JustinTimberlake etc.
Note: The use of the letter 'j' is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. Eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo.
Goats, Bulls, Pigs, Other Sacrificial Animals and Human Beings
-
Religion, Politics, and All the State Chicanery
[image: Goats, Bulls, Pigs and Human Beings]
Above: *The Sacrifice* by Leonardo Bistolfi (Image: Nancy Cantw...
4 months ago
22 comments:
I know a mallu called Speedboat. What exactly are his parents trying to hint at? Is it a euphemism on the potency of a party involved in conception or the location of conception itself.
And what is the rationale of naming your kid Potty. Yes, Pee-Oh-Tea-Tea-Why? :|
Mallu woman, we need to have long drawn discussion on these names. I seem to be in the company of an expert :)
The post reminded me of a colleague Eliamma and my Tamilian colleagues wonder why a person is named a rodent.
I also remembered poor K.O.Rangan.
I once saw a house in Perambur named Inferno!!
the bugger who gave u this must be mad! or extremely vetti!
and by far, this was ur most un-understandable post ever atomicgittenmol [:)]
Notgogol:'Speedboat'?Hmmm... personally think it has nothing whatsoever to do with meaning and connotation. They probably thought it sounded good. The rationale behind naming a child 'Potty' is the same as the rationale behind naming a child 'Shitty'.
MaterialMom:You forget the gargantuan "Gadha"miss perpetually doomed to donkey jokes :D. Inferno?? Hmm..I suppose they had a nice happy life there :P. And I feel K.O.Rangan is equally matched by Pothan. :D
Crazybugga: The person who sent this to me is a highly intelligentm immensely talented and slighta vetti person. and if you couldn't understand this post Crazymon, you don't understand much :)
What if they met? It would be brilliant. Just the task of introducing them to each other would be mind-blowing. A rendezvous etched permanently in stone.
ah... I need to cool down.
Hmm...for all you know they'd be soul mates.Imagine- Shitty meets Potty, and finds her destination :p
Typical Mallu names were amusing to us 'outsiders' even without knowing the meaning! Now that you have shed light on some , it is 'weirdly funny' ; poor souls who suffer such atrocious tags.
Lemme do some research on our Konkani Naming Scheme (if any)...
Peculiarities make our life miserably hilarious.
"Shitty meets Potty, and finds her destination"... Hmm that something so base and vile could have such a hol(e)y, (h)appy ending! Ah, life! *wipes a tear* ;)
Jan, enough with the "revolting" sentimentality. :P
he person who has thought of all this must be having no other work... :)Didn't know that Mallu's follow science and they have this much deep thinking..
Good one..[:)]
Abt your "Hairy" post - this is absolutely eerie.. from the title right down to the 'Tirupathi' end...
Been busy and haven't had a chance to clear up my Reader feeds or I'd have filed the plagiarism suit sooner ;)
the Guru: The Mallus are a scientific and artistic race who modestly underplay their myriad talents. And yes, I believ the brain behind this is a true genius of this and that.
Santhosh: Ahem, I decided to refrain from suing due to an innate sense of mercy. After all it's quality is unrestrained and droppeth like dew and what not. Besides, it'd be too much of a bother.
:) this is fun!!! and here's something better to add to it...was checking out 'chavaramatrimonial.com' (DON'T ask why...!) and came across some lovely ones...jaxcy, jotty(i loved this one!!), breezemol, and ajo(i loved this one even more!!!) :P :P :p
Posh, I thought Breezemol was bad, but your recent coup was the ultimate! I mean, Daylight and Bluelight are bad enough but MARGALIGHT?????????? when will mallu parents see the light?!
From two posts a day to no post in weeks! Blaming the humidity for this as well eh? :P
Oh no Notgogol, I place the blame on bloody entrance exams. What's your excuse? *one eyebrow up*
And a new one to the terrible name list(it's not mallu,btw)- Messy Stench. Found this one in the credits for Jane Austen Bookclub.
err.. umm.. me doggie ate me keyboard.. and its really difficult to type with its tummy... apparently he finds it awkward ... (Good enough??) :P
And, I think Messy Stench be a descendant of Ima Hogg :P
Um... that doggie will probably poop on that ridiculous excuse for an excuse. Do be a wee bit more original.
And as Ima Hogg...all I can say is- Oh My God!
:O doggie takes offence at his diet being called plagiarised. Goes back to kennel... acts awfully anally retentive...
commentor goes ahem!! ahem!!
Lol! Serves me right having typing errors around scary names :p. But it was funny eh what? :D
:P
Jokes apart, what if Ima actually had a sister by the name Ura. Imagine... just imagine :P
Hmm.. or Shisa or Heesa? We may go on on this train for a long time. :)
Post a Comment